by bit, by bit.
This is how I feel of late, as though I am being put back together.
When I awaken each morning to talk with Papa, I am such a jumbled mess of tangledness.
He has been calling me of late to work on a puzzle each morn as part of that time.
We to sit together and work on it, talking as we do.
He is showing me a lot during these times, teaching me even more.
My feelings are such a puzzle to me… it isn’t even always about the past ones either. Oft, it is present. Emotions are so confusing to me, i get so lost in them. Sometimes to cry simply because I don’t understand.
I have found something else my parents choices robbed me of.
The right to feel. A knowing of where those feelings belong, can’t know what to do with what i never had.
I cry even now, overwhelmed at the loss of such beauty Abba intended for me.
The beauty of experiencing the joy of childhood, of carefreeness and wonder. To be silly just because being silly is how one feels, for that silliness to bring smiles. Maybe I am tired and can be, my grumpiness soothed away. What if I just want to run for runnings sake, hide for fun and roll down the hill… follow momma around just because it feels safe.
Bit by bit by bit, sometimes the tiniest, but still a bit.
I too am a puzzle.
That’s how I feel, and….
I can feel how I do, it is allowed.
With each piece Papa helps me place in our puzzle we are working on together,
He is showing me He is doing the same with me.
My puzzle is going to be so pretty, I am going to keep it forever, on display once finished,
My Papa is going to keep me too…
I am not a puzzle to Him…
Rather His masterpiece He is creating.
I feel it and that’s ok.