This word called No
I have been pondering this word of late
How it impacts ones life
HowI have been unaware of it’s availability to me even as I have been using it
I never realized it was mine to claim
No was what I lived in the past abuse
No you don’t matter
No you can’t have an opinion
No, your voice isn’t yours
No, No, No…
A litany that taught me to not see me.
A word I simply removed from my vocabulary
Or so I thought when someone shared with me recently that I can say no
I am awakening to the truth that I have been saying no to myself about myself
No to all the good and right that is mine to claim for me
No was the mantra thrown at me for so many years that it become the cloak I wear
I to unconsciously say no to me in the same way
To unawares be saying no to all that is good for me
Having been trained that I am not worth the effort or time
Existing in the spoken and unspoken wounds of then
That they fester and eat at my now
I say now, No more
God is moving me to step out of this perception
To see No as His word to me as He teaches me to use it right
To speak it to myself as I use it to find me
No, to unhealthy choices
No, as a part of boundaries
No, not in a selfish way but in an honoring the me He created one
I am learning to balance the teeter totter of yes and no
Sit with the Holy Spirit that I learn to pause and consider
How knew this is
Is this good for me?
Does God want me to do this?
Am I using my time wisely?
Yes or no a decision, a choice and one I am free to make
It feels like I am awakening to the very colors of my existence as….
I chose Yes, Lord….
Teach me of No.