“We are gifted with glimpses of God’s glory and grace and truth.
In our experiences of love, we see, “The Word become flesh” with our own eyes.
Most often the experiences go deeper than words can convey, but we strive to use them anyway
to capture the essence of Whom God is and what it means for us to know Him.
Sharing our experiences keeps them alive and helps them act as witnesses to glory of the Word became Flesh.”
Someone I value being a part of my life made an interesting comment to me the other day, one I have sat with in prayer with God much. Prying for a deeper discernment of it, the meaning of it in relation to my life, past, present and future.
The comment was this, “You can choose.”
I, Tammy, can choose.
Really? Me? that is what I thought at first.
How is this possible? “My whole childhood, my marriage, my life has been void of choosing,” the next thought to hit me.
“I have never had a choice.”
This is the wall I ran into when this was shared, the interesting thing being that I saw this wall before I hit it, could emotionally gaze up its height and width and not feel closed in of it. Even when not visible I could sense its boundaries, fathom that they are there because of what was but that I, TAMMY held the poser to change them. I , Tammy, possess the RIGHT TO CHOOSE.
Thus began the un-kidnapping of self. Me of me. Yes, you are reading this right. For it is I who now was the one holding myself back, imprisoned as one who has been locked up for so long that even with the door wide open the fear holds one from walking out. At least within the jail your fear knows what to fear, without to be unknown.
But, you see, I was wrong, my friend right.
“I may have or not have had a choice in the past, it really doesn’t matter to now, for now I DO!”
Will I cower behind the walls, those erected by my past abuse or will I scale them, run the length of them and knock them flat empowered by all my healing journey?”
I CHOOSE THE LATER!
By God’s Grace, His Redeeming Mercy, His Presence in Me and My Life I am freed to choose.
Have been choosing for awhile really, just in an unaware way.
So I am revisiting past abuses as God brings them to remembrance, not seeking them out but allowing Him to lead.
The one I woke to was this, “I am cowering, cold and lonely, feeling forgotten and discarded, within my tin can. I look upon this portion of my childhood fro the perspective of without not within anymore. I am not that child, I am Me, Tammy and I see this part of me in all her pain. She sees me too, eyes full of questioning, that I can be smiling at her. We are one so read each others hearts. Yes my eyes, say… yes, you can do it. She tilts her head in thought, wonder at the mere fact that she can think beyond her abuse. We link hands as together, as one, we slowly rise up within to push the lid aside, stand up to our height. I lift her that she feel the closeness of touch, hold her tight to dispel the aloneness and whisper, “Good choice, little one.”
We step out of this can of then and walk away… as I set her down that she too may experience the freedom her own legs bring her, we turn and look back. She smiles up at me, she understands, it looks like nothing more than what it was.
Together we turn as we whisper as one, “We choose to not believe, to not live, to not be the lies.”
We are skipping now, revealing in our freedom.
The Son warming us, the Spirit lighting the way, all of us un-kidnapped of God
“Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him.”
Psalm 34:8 (MSG)