This word called No

I have been pondering this word of late

How it impacts ones life

HowI have been unaware of it’s availability to me even as I have been using it

I never realized it was mine to claim

No was what I lived in the past abuse

No you don’t matter

No you can’t have an opinion

No, your voice isn’t yours

No, No, No…

A litany that taught me to not see me.


A word I simply removed from my vocabulary

Or so I thought when someone shared with me recently that I can say no

I am awakening to the truth that I have been saying no to myself about myself 

No to all the good and right that is mine to claim for me

No was the mantra thrown at me for so many years that it become the cloak I wear

I to unconsciously say no to me in the same way

To unawares be saying no to all that is good for me

Having been trained that I am not worth the effort or time

Existing in the spoken and unspoken wounds of then

That they fester and eat at my now

I say now, No more

God is moving me to step out of this perception

To see No as His word to me as He teaches me to use it right

To speak it to myself as I use it to find me

No, to unhealthy choices

No, as a part of boundaries

No, not in a selfish way but in an honoring the me He created one

I am learning to balance the teeter totter of yes and no

Sit with the Holy Spirit that I learn to pause and consider

Consider me

How knew this is

Is this good for me?

Does God want me to do this?

Am I using my time wisely?

Yes or no a decision, a choice and one I am free to make

It feels like I am awakening to the very colors of my existence as….

I chose Yes, Lord….

Teach me of No. 

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