There simply aren’t enough memories these days.
Or maybe just not new enough ones.
I cry so much in the longing for a touch.
Gentle and seeing.
Given out of love, just for me, just because.
I tend to cling to memories of just such given in the past.
Savor them.
Recall them in my times of loneliness.
Thing is I am realizing this is a coping technique from my past that God is moving me beyond.
A good thing but oh so hard.
So much emotions.
So many tears.
I know memories are good but they have been more of a band aid for me.
This is the truth that I am learning through this quarantine time.
Finding the depths of the feelings from then I have hid from.
I crave a touch.
Someone to see me.
To hug.
The gentleness of a hair brushed aside.
To share space with another.
A smile to send and receive that is full of so much more than just the smile.
To know I am not alone while surrounded.
I am not doing it well,
But I am trying,
Oh, so hard,
To rest in God’s holding.
To feel His hand upon me.
May my tears be cleansing,
As He separates then from now.
elsewherebygrace 