I had a flashback in my sleep last night. Yes, they can happen that way. Ones dreamscape to become the abuse relived in the mind. Sometimes when life takes curves and turns into new territory my emotions and memories race alongside in an effort to heal by catching up. Hence, a flash back this time.
I am growing and as with all of us, growth means change. To explore these new area s of maturity, ones that I would have experienced as a child and teen, even some as an adult, if abuse hadn’t been present oft-times means a cleansing is needed. The old wrong must be flushed from my system that the new can take root and grow healthy and right.
Wrong to stop feeling right as God intended truth gains ground.
A hard process, a long one, but such a precious one in the transformation God is working, in my heart, mind and body.
So it was even with this recent flashback, for it was different than usual in that I didn’t wake to find no control. I wasn’t desiring to flee or hid, it didn’t scare me or overwhelm me. No, it was more of a struggle to move forward. I sat beneath the heating vent just to feel something present, full blast at that. I called a friend to know I told someone, that I could do that, leaving a message when she was unavailable.
Then, I went about getting ready for work.
Yet, I did so, in a lull. My mind foggy, thoughts drifting, processing drained.
I found myself in this valley of lull for quite some time, hours. Every action a conscious effort, I felt so drained.
My friend called me then, once she was free. What she said pierced this stupor I was floundering in. “Remember to pray, bind up Satan and all His stickiness,” as she oft-times puts it. I don’t recall her actual words, but my spirit knew from past battles.
My heart heard, “Fight the lull!”
The clouds cleared a bit then, when I hung up, and holding my head in my hands I breathed, “Papa, help me, please.”
A groggy prayer at best, but God always hears, understands our plea even when we don’t know what to ask for.
He spent the next few hours nudging me to cling to Him, hold tight that He could lead me into the light, a glorious light full of the warmth and rays of the Imacculant Heart of Christ. I feel the touch of it even now as I revisit, my Lord so close.
“Lull” a false calm in the storm
Satan tried to trip me up with this today. He failed. He always shall fail.
For no matter how blindly I may stumble, my Abba holds me tight, loves me tight and leads me on.
His voice to my abused and battered, child and woman, I was, all the lullaby needed to heal.
“This is what the Lord says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 NIV