I have a phrase stuck in my heart these days, people keeper. I don’t even really know what it means to me, except it makes me sad in a, “I am not one kind.”
People keep people in lots of ways, I am noticing.
Family, friends, hi and by kind of seeing. Some long lasting, others blowing by like the wind.
I think I am seeing my people around me in a better way when I think people keeper. Am I a keeper for them or should I be less bothersome, ask less and do more my self because i am not theirs to keep me.
Then I feel confused because I know I am someone to them but I don’t know how to balance that someone or something i is.
Feelings are confusing, this i do know. i am so lost in them of late. different kind of lost then i have ever felt before. i wish someone could help me understand.
i have to trust momma mary and Abba to do that.
What confuses me most is this, i am so full of feeling, it is in me, under the skin there kind of in, but i am not sad or anything like that yet i still wish i could sit with someone. Spend the day sharing space and being able to talk about this.
i have always needed hugs in a craving way but this is different, i don’t want one to feel better or to get attention, like i have often, no i want one to relieve the pressure. When i get one it feels like there is release, but i have to pull back right when it starts or i know i will want to hold to long.
These are lots of feeling and not to be gone in a minute
so, i am confused.
i am 51 in numbers, 100 in feelings never freed and only 12 today in understanding.
yes, i know what that photo up top means, all to well