I spent part of my morning just now scrolling through the link to a church I used to attend, one I left under duress. I thought that I would like to visit there, just show up out of the blue.
No reason, just because.
Or, so, I thought.
But, Abba, is showing me there was reason.
No, it’s not wrong to want to see old friends, to visit and remember, as long as it’s for the right reasons.
No, I want a soft place to fall toady.
I am ashamed to think that I would sacrifice my Communion time with my Lord, in my Home He has me in here, for this. For arms of old and love gone by rather to be desired more than Mass, more than the gift that the Eucharist is to me.
But, I do.
I want to belong in the way that I have belonged for long. Old connections, remember this and how about when we did that, kind of way.
A soft place to fall, this is the way a blogger describes her home for taking in unwanted, abused children. That the battle still rages for them but bringing them into their home gives them a soft place to fall.
Abuse never gives a soft landing, healing doesn’t much either most of the time.
I fall on face, flat and hard so often
Did lots this last few weeks.
I feel bruised and beaten, weary and worn, I won’t lie.
I am tired
I want to go home
I want daddy to make it all alright and momma to hold me
I want to fall and give up standing
I want to yield
Point fingers at those in the past, “You left me, after promising to help me.”
Thing is, that is all the pain talking, the loneliness seeping out and the past feeding now
So, I won’t visit these friends today, that would just be a band-aid
Instead, I will heed my best Friends call,
“Are you tired? Worn out? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matt 11: 28-30 MSG
My Jesus call.
I will come to Him, fall into His gift of the Eucharist, of His life for mine.
I will see Him upon the cross and know, He too desired, then and there, to go Home to Heaven
To fall into the arms of the angels right off that cross rather than bear it,
He didn’t yield and neither shall I, because of Him.
Momma Mary, she took Him off that cross so lovingly, gently and full of sorrow for all He endured.
She will hold me too, today, if I just ask and let her.
So, I will visit my friends, sometime, but when I can with a right heart.
Simply as friends.
Now, I must go and sit awhile with my Papa, God, that my heart be right when I go to Mass soon.
Home there, to Him, His presence and keeping, His arms sufficient, my present home the one He is building.
I am home, always, everywhere, with my God.
I fall into Him alone.
In His mercy and grace He always to catch me.
“Greater is He who is in you (me) than he (Satan’s tool, false belonging) who is in the world.” I John 4:4 KJV