I have noticed something about myself of late.
A subtle change that feels big, the kind that when put into words seems to beg the question, “And?” When in reality it is much like a flashing Neon Light. A sign that draws your attention simply because it is there. Blinking non-stop, bright, there even in the corner of your eye kind.
I feel like I have been this neon light. As if my me has been standing still while moving, pulsating with the colors of life, spilling forth in wonder, twirling about flashing, as I have found the rhythm of a childhood missed.
I have loved these colors, embraced them fully inside and out. My home is full of them visually as well as whimsically. Pinks and purples to greens and blues, they are all here representing the flowing of my hearts depth of feeling,
A feeling of childhood.
Of happiness like a smiley face sticker is how that happiness feels, almost that I am wearing one, which is making me smile even now. Remember I am visual writer, picturing just that now.
I feel as though I have been gifted with the glow of living, see myself pulsating as each beat of my heart feeds this through me, color flowing til it can’t help but b
Which brings me to my point, this is a child’s perspective in a way, one where life is lived in the cascading joy of simply being alive, the carefreeness of spinning round and round in a field, free to roll down the hill and embrace that moment in of itself while at the same time the flow of life moves you along.
Everything begging to be explored and embraced, full of why’s, when’s and where’s, that simply propel you forward into more of life.
Neon, is how I would describe childhood as it is meant to be lived and embraced.
I have had my neon gifted to me as part of my healing. For quite awhile I am coming to realize. This gift has been one of time and patience, caring and kindness wrapped in an awareness of me. Memories created to replace those that never should have been that the brightness of them, their very existence to be what draws my heart forward.
Forward from Neon to Pastel.
I still love color but find the flashy and bright, isn’t always what catches my eye these days. I like the muted tones as well, the soft warmth they instill in me causing me to feel safe and settled.I now prefer to sit in that same field, to lie upon the field and find stillness as the clouds pass by slowly full of a caressing softness. The wind whispers to me if I but listen and the whole of living finds me.
I pause awhile even now, to find myself drawn to this field, within for now to be experienced sometime later. But, oh, how I am transported there even now.
Neon has passed as all childhood do.
Now, before me lies a field of wildflowers, begging crossing.
A slower journey this one will be, in the experiencing.
One of holding still a choice not instinct, where the stillness is a time of healing, as my me is awake.
Life to be embraced in the quiet moments, in the wisps of love sent my way.
I am growing up and I like it.
My soul set free upon the wind of my Father, God’s mighty healing gift of life.
As I am becoming Woman
“The spirit of God hath made me, and the breath of the Almighty hath given me life.” Job 33:4 (KJV)
“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.”
Genesis 2:7 (KJV)
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