Yesterday was the hardest, hard beyond hard, intense to beyond bearing…
So it seemed,
Yet…
Today is here and I am too.
I can still feel it, the depth of the pain, searing my heart.
God to give my heart a glimpse into the pain my sin causes Him.
It is like no other, this feeling.
How I am awakened to desire to give my God no more such pain,
It felt as though not only was my heart, broken, but it was wretched from within and trampled upon.
Forgotten as though it were nothing left to slowly stop beating as it died.
This is what I felt yesterday at Mass as I came knocking.
Little me memories to descend with a crashing clarity as I watched babies being baptized.
A Mother and Father drawing close together loving this child, 
Smiling at her antics, gentle and clam with her,
loving her and being patient,
simply being what parents are meant to be.
I came knocking in that toddler
I to watch her and revel in her safety and carefreeness,
astounded that she had no fear,
absorbed in watching her being smiled at and held close.
Little me came knocking…
full of that endured,
a child of 1 who knew better than to cry or even smile
she who was unwanted, uncared for, a burden
I cam knocking
But Momma Mary and Abba looked upon me just as I did that child
They drew me close as I partook of the Eucharist
They reminded me that they love me as they held me
Picking up my bruised and battered heart
Returning it to me with words of hope and comfort
A promise that one day it would heal
In time, as I allowed them and theirs to love me
Little me came knocking yesterday
To finally find the door open
To be welcomed home
No knocking needed.
elsewherebygrace 