WASHED OUT BLUE

blue waterToday I feel as an old pair of jeans must, the kind that are tattered and worn from so much wearing. The ones that you look upon and wonder why they are kept, yet as the wearer, you know they are the most comfortable ones you own. You don’t care how they look because they fit you so well. You don’t see the wear and tear as a big deal, the fading is irrelevant in comparison to the fit.

 

blue bridgeThing is, those jeans didn’t always fit so nice. No, once they were new, unyielding to you move, tight. Your legs to march stiff-legged and getting up and down a chore. In the beginning they are anything but favored, ironically worn because they are new, look nice and caught your eye.

New blue to washed out blue,

 

blue fieldI am finding healing from emotions this way, especially when it comes to boundaries. At first I was blind to the very existence of them, I simply was never taught them. Boundaries don’t exist, you to never learn that you have the right to utter no, the freedom to walk away or that your words have power. Like that new pair of jeans you walk through life stiff, wary of movement. Still to stay safe,

As blue as the depth of the ocean, way down deep, in its darkness is your hiding.

blue dropsFeeling blue. Sad and weary, worn out, used up.

This was the blue I knew.

Yesterday God used a hard day to take me from the worn out blue of my abuse to the washed out blue of His healing.

It wasn’t easy, not at all. I was tense with fear and short of breath for a good hour. That hour to seem like an eternity as God helped me to stay with these feelings, to keep moving and face them. No diving to the deep to hide, no giving up.

 

blues blossomingTruth to color my reactions, the truth that I was safe because God would keep me so. The truth that I am more than my abuse by using what I have been taught. I stood my ground internally, accepted the emotions this persons actions created, stayed within boundaries internally and externally that were mine to claim.

Once I got home how I felt the toll of this battle. Like those jeans I now knew how it felt to be put through the wringer. Satan thought he had the upper hand bringing all those emotions forth tied to the abuse, well, Abba and I sure showed him!

My Father has pulled me from the depths and is showing me the beauty of blue.

Today, I am  oh so weary from the battle. Physically zapped yes, but so awake spiritually.

I used to see myself surrounded of a moat, one full of darkness in its beckoning. This moat to separate the abused child I was from the beauty of life and love on the other side. I have built many a bridge in my attempt to cross, give me and see me the sticks I used. I climbed the trees of indifference and anger, fear and hate to break these branches off, thus they were brittle and worthless. Could hold no weight. Never did I reach the other side, always did I fall to the depth.

No more.

I have a new bridge.

This one is strong and sure. The timber gathered by the Lord of my heart. He severing it from mighty oaks rooted in truth, His Word sue and powerful in the cleaving. There is safety for He sets the boundary strong, strung out to either side with cords braided of His love, for He desires I cling to Him in the journey.

He is clearing the murky waters surrounding me, calling forth the lies and acts that darken the depth. I look down now, fearless, I look up confident, as my eyes search the other side.

Blue is everywhere. In the awakening sunrise, reflected upon the fields and sparkling in the dew.

A washed out blue, gentle safe and comfortable.

There is no more beckoning of the darkness, there is only that of the bridge.

imagesAs I look upon it, I see the truth of its construction.

Before me lies the cross of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Once again my salvation.

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that He sent His only begotten Son. that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”                          

I Believe.

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